I think I have an illness. And I know its "attention seeking" to fully admit this but I do. It really sucks and it gets me when I'm at my most vulnerable. There's no medication I can take to cure it. And I can't really prevent it either, it just comes and goes as it likes. Some days its easy to keep it under control. But some days its so impossible that you can't help but cry. It could be a little or it could be a lot. It could be for a while or for longer. Sometimes you don't even cry, but you have this pain in your chest, that nagging feeling that you can't shake off. I believe everyone has an illness, it just depends on what you have. But like all illnesses, they all work the same, they target vital organs and kill you slowly. How fast or slow you die depends on how much medication you can pump into your body in hopes of pulling through to another day. The illness I'm talking about, however, isn't something as "physical" per say as like having cancer. You can detect where the cancer is and where its headed, this however is a mental thing, I don't know what it's called but I depent on people too much. And I expect them to talk to me or reply my texts and stuff. So i get fucking annoyed when that person blatantly ignores me. And I somehow always get this from the one person I never want to ignore me. Its stupid but that person is my boyfriend cause I've gotten so comfortable with him being the one I turn to. ((Cause I don't really turn to my parents when I have problems)). I swear to God, sometimes I think I just expect too much from people that I keep disappointing myself.
No comments:
Post a Comment