i dont belong here.

Hello.

Hey guys, so after two years I'm back. And the reason why i decided to create a new blog is because, as the blog name says it, its a new chapter. Anyway i'm gonna skip what happened in the last two years cause things were just. not as planned. i'm in college now,so i'm starting on a clean slate. no connections with the previous blog. so what i wanna talk about is. well myself i guess. i'm an average 18 year old girl. who's got average looks and a below average body. in other terms, no i'm not hot. its not that i wanna put myself down, but i just feel like i wanna say it. yes i know i dont have a pretty face and yes i know i dont have a hot body. yeah sometimes i tell myself, yeah i gotta go to the gym and work out or yeah i gotta take care of what i eat and blabla. but most of the time. i couldnt be stuffed. yes i have a boyfriend, but i dont know, maybe i'm just too easy to get, thats why he asked me to be his girlfriend. no i'm not trying to insult him and damn i didnt want my first post to be a rant post. but i can't help it. too much shit happened today and i just wanna rant. i havent been able to rant in two years, so let me be. i used to be able to rant on twitter, but too many people i know follow me. so. yea.
and i guess the reason why i wanna rant is cause of an incident just now. i mean its all fun and games, but i just noticed, i'm that girl in class, in any class, that no guy would wanna place a bet on if they have a bet. like yeah, i hang out with a lt of people. but idk, i guess im not hot enough for guys to pick me. i'm not trying to sound like some desperate slut, but idk. like just now my friends were playing toss the coin in a cup and they all chose every girl in the class. and idk i was just sitting there like "okay Pauline, dont be stupid, dont make a fuss that no one picked you" and honestly i felt really stupid. if i tell someone about this there are few options that people will say:

• "Dont worry, they probably didnt pick you cause you were there."
• "They consider you as 'one of the guys' so of course they wont pick you"
• "Dont be stupid okay, of course a guy would pick you"

tbh, i know i shouldnt feel like this. but i really cant help it. gahhh. its like, i wanna be those girls who look attractive even without make up on. but sigh i guess i cant. cause i mean, when you have a face like mine, being attractive is like mission impossible.